i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
