i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
only you would photoshop your dick
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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