You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize