I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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