I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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