What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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