i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
