just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
