dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
