Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
