This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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