I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
