You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
