So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
