you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
