I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
