My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
