Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
wow bdsm is so cute
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize