There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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