carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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