I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
