Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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