Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
