Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
