How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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