i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
