so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
