Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
