I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
