U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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