If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
