The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
