first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize