Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
There's always time for handjobs
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
