yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
