how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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