Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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