Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
