You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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