and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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