I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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