his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
