...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
