He is such a slut. More and more my type.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
