mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
you never un-have a 4some
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
