I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
