So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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