i need an iv and a liver transplant
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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