The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
