he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
