I just saw a hot homeless man
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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