drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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