I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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