i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
