i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
