First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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