im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
