Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
