Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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