A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
