I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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