you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
