Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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