and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
