He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
