your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
