is your mom at the bar?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
