Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
