His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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