i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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