Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
